


The One Where Dean is Fine

by thinkinghardhardlythinking



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:08:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27243232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinkinghardhardlythinking/pseuds/thinkinghardhardlythinking
Summary: Written for a challenge where the prompt is inspired by titles of 'Friends' episodes. Dean finds out some new information about the Readers past and he's totally fine about it, really.There is a timestamp/flashback of the past events which unfold in this story in my other fic, 'The One Before'.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & You, Dean Winchester/You
Kudos: 13





	The One Where Dean is Fine

**Author's Note:**

> The timestamp/flashback for the events that unfold in the story are in my fic, 'The One Before'

As he opened the door before you both, you felt the nervous bile bubbling in your stomach. Great, you thought, you were going to give yourself a stomach ulcer.

“Hey…you alright?” Dean asked, turning to you, a look of concern on his face.

“Mmm hmm.” You said, nodding and hoping your smile was convincing.

It was not.

“He’s gonna love you. There’s really no need to worry. I don’t even think he’s back from town yet anyway so…don’t worry, OK?”

You wished it was that easy but you knew how much his brother meant to him. You were always going to be nervous the first time you met.

Thankfully, Dean was right and Sam wasn’t there yet and the bunker was so amazing that you sort of forgot how nervous you were, for a while anyway. He gave you a tour and it blew your mind. The War Room, the Library, the Dean Cave…you’d never been anywhere like it.

“I can’t believe you live here” You said, looking around in wonderment.

“Well, I saved the best for last…” He said, smiling, “This is my room. Where the magic happens.”

You smiled at him. “I’ll be the judge of that.” You said, as he opened the door. You followed him inside, he looked so proud. So happy to have you here, finally.

You’d been together for a while now and it was good. Really good. Perhaps it had been a strange that you hadn’t seen where he lived before but you hadn’t wanted to bring it up. You figured he’d invite you when he time was right. You guessed that time was now.

You looked through his vinyl and let him show you stuff. The stack of movies, the little personal things around the place. You picked up a copy of a magazine called ‘Busty Asian Beauties’.

“Oh…um….I forgot that was there.” He said, flustered and taking it off you as you tried to hide your smirk.

There were flowers in a vase on his dresser.

“They’re for you. Because I knew you were coming.” He said, and you found it incredibly sweet.

You saw some photos on his night stand, propped up against the lamp. One of him as a kid, with his Mom. She was beautiful. One of two adorable kids, him and his brother you imagined. And one of the both of you. It was from the day he’d told you what he did, that he and his brother were hunters. He’d seemed surprised that you had believed him so easily but you had dealt with hunters before. When you’d lived in Texas for a while and your apartment block had turned out to be haunted. So haunted that even after the hunters had saved the day, you’d moved away to Kansas, but that had been a long time ago. He’d been relieved to not to have to walk you through a long and tedious period of disbelief and instead of him giving you ‘the talk’ about how monsters were real and explaining the supernatural, you’d just had a beautiful day together, driving in his car and having a make shift picnic while he told you more stories from his past. You’d been lying on the grass together when he’d taken his phone out to take a photo of you both.

“What are you doing? We don’t do this.” You’d said, giggling as he ‘Blue Steel’d it up for laughs.

“Yeah, well. Maybe we should….Look, it’s been a good day and I wanna take a picture with my girl.” He’d said, “Smile, baby…”

“What? That’s the first time you’ve ever called me that. I like it.” You said, smiling widely regardless of him telling you too.

“Yeah? Well, maybe you’ll like hearing me say this for the first time too….I think I’m in love with you.”

That had stunned you.

“You ‘think’?”

He smiled slow but wide and shook his head slowly at you, taking his eyes from the phone screen to look at you. “Nah…I know. I love you.” And he shrugged, as if it was no big deal.

“Really?”

He nodded, all soft and love struck.

“I love you too…” You’d said, relieved to finally be able to say it. You’d been thinking it for a while but didn’t want to freak him out by saying it first. You’d kissed him, so happy, and he’d kissed you back. He’d kept his finger on the shutter button for a second before letting the phone drop so he could hold you properly while you kissed, and it was that photo. The first photo after he had told you he loved you, the one of you kissing each other on the grass in the sunshine, through big, happy smiles.

“You got this printed out?” You asked him, motioning to the photo.

“Yeah…there’s a place in town that prints out photos from your phone, it’s not a big deal, you just gotta upload…” He took a breath, realising he didn’t need to explain. You were his and he could have a photo of you on his night stand if he wanted. “Yeah, I did.”

“Well…” You said, sitting down on the edge of his bed. “You were right…this room seems very magical.”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for showing me around your home. I love it.”

“You’re welcome…..anytime.” He sat down next to you. “Want me to show you a magic trick?” he asked, biting his lower lip and then giving you that look of his that was cheeky and cocky and flirtatious and made you melt.

“A magic trick?…Well…you did say this was where the magic happened so I guess you probably should prove it….”

He leaned in close to whisper in your ear. “Wanna know the magic word?”

You nodded, conspiratorially, unable to stop grinning at how adorable and hot you found him. He leaned in even closer, his lips touching your ear almost and said in his sexiest voice, low and deep, “It’s my name. And I’m gonna make you scream it. Again and again.”

God, he was sexy. So sexy he could get away with saying stuff like that. He kissed you and pulled you down onto the bed but you’d only just touched the mattress when the big metallic bang of the bunker door echoed through the place.

“Oh shit!” You said, sitting up, violently, “It’s your brother.”

“That’s OK. He won’t be mad.” He said, laughing at you. “I am allowed girls in my room.” He stage whispered, as he pulled a face of mock pride at this ‘fact’.

“Dean…I’m nervous enough as it is.”

“I told you. Don’t be. He’ll love you. He’ll love you because I love you. And because you’re awesome. C’mon…let’s go get this over with. You’ll see.”

And he took you by the hand and led you out of his room.

“Sammy?” He shouted.

“In here!” Came a voice that you followed into the kitchen.

A tall guy stood, facing away from you into the fridge, stocking it with bottles of beer, reaching behind him to grab them from a bag on the island behind him.

“Sammy, we got a visitor.” Dean said, beaming.

“I know. You haven’t shut up about it for days.” Laughed the guy by the fridge. “That’s why I went to get extra beers…and….dammit, I forgot the pie.”

“Sam, I’d like you to meet my girlfriend, Y/N.” He said, proudly, as his brother turned around.

“Oh wow, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you were ‘here’ here. Good to meet….you.” He’d started off his sentence with a warm and polite smile but his expression had drifted part way through as you saw confusion cloud his features. “I’m sorry, have we met before?”

Oh. My. God. You thought.

You had indeed met before.

“What? No.” Said Dean, laughing. “Wait, have you?”

You watched as you saw the recognition dawning on Sam’s face.

You had two choices. Horrible honesty or face saving lies. Lies would be so much easier. But you didn’t want to lie to Dean. You loved him, which was why this was going to suck.

“Um, yeah. We have.” You said, “In Texas.”

“What? No way!” said Dean, laughing. “That’s crazy! What are the odds?”

Sam was looking at you, nervous and embarrassed.

“Yeah. Sam was one of the hunters who got rid of the ghosts in my apartment block. Remember, I told you about that?” You said.

“Ah, OK.” He said, his brow furrowing. “But if Sam was there hunting, where was I?”

“Um…you were in Indiana. With Lisa and Ben.” Sam said, looking shiftier by the minute. “I was working with Samuel at the time.”

“Oh.” Said Dean. He shook his head at the strange turn of events. “Well, that’s cool. So you’ve already met. Awesome.” A look passed between you and Sam. A look that didn’t go unnoticed by Dean. He looked from Sam to you and then back to Sam. “So…if you were working with Samuel at the time….then that was when you didn’t have a soul?”

Sam nodded and pulled a weird grimace of a face.

“What?!” You said.

“Long story.” Sam said, as if that was a suitable explanation.

Dean’s expression had changed from one of slight surprise to one of slow dawning realisation.

“When you didn’t have a soul you were quite the horn dog, I recall….” He said, his eyes narrowing, “…but you didn’t…” He motioned between you and Sam, “…I mean, you didn’t, right?”

Oh, this was awkward. Horrrible and awkward.

Sam looked at his brother with palpable remorse. “Dude, I…didn’t know…you hadn’t even met yet…it was a long time ago…”

“Dean, I’m so sorry…I had no idea that your Sam was that Sam. It was before we met and…if I’d have known I’d have told you before…”

“So….” Dean let go of your hand and moved slowly away from you to lean against a table, “…you did…” He pointed from Sam to you and back again repeatedly, “…you did…the sex….together?”

It was a weird way of putting it but it was true. You had. Sam nodded and looked at you, sheepishly. You swallowed and moved over to Dean.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. It was years and years ago, so long before I knew you. I honestly didn’t put two and two together or I would have told you before. I’m so sorry about all of this.”

You knew that on paper, the facts of it all meant you hadn’t done anything wrong. But you could imagine how he must feel, how you would feel, and you hated that he might be hurt.

“Hey…you couldn’t have known…” Dean said. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He was saying things that were true but he wasn’t looking at you. He was just stood there, half leaning, half sitting on the table. Looking at the floor as he obviously reeled at this new information.

Sam came over and stood by you. “That’s true Dean…but I am still, so, so sorry, buddy.”

He was very different from how you remembered him. He was sweet and emotional and full of obvious love for his brother. The Sam you had met had been…different. Maybe that was because, apparently, he hadn’t had a soul. What the actual fuck? You thought. You took a deep breath. One thing at a time.

“Yeah.” Dean said, “It’s fine. You didn’t know…we hadn’t met…no one did anything wrong. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

He looked slightly maniacal as he looked up at you both. “It’s actually pretty funny when you think about it.” He said, laughing, again not unlike a maniac.

You nodded, your face giving away how unnerving you were finding his response. You hadn’t realised that Sam had been doing the same thing until Dean laughed harder and said, “Oh wow, you are both pulling the same face and nodding.” You and Sam looked at each other and both stopped. “Ha! You’re so in sync. I bet that was good when you were…” Thankfully he stopped there. “Honestly, you both needn’t look so worried. It’s fine. Really. I’m fine.”

“So you keep saying…you know, it really isn’t a big deal,” You said, wanting to reassure him, “I don’t even really remember it that well…”

Sam’s eyes flicked towards you and now he looked wounded too. Great.

“No?” Dean asked, “So, like it wasn’t a big deal or anything?”

“No!” You said, suddenly aware that you had two wounded ego’s to try and soothe, “It was great, I’m sure, I mean, like I said, I don’t really remember, because it was such a long time ago…but it was just a ships passing in the night thing…”

Dean looked from you to Sam. “What about you? Do you remember it?”

Sam smiled patiently at his brother and shook his head, “Not really…I mean…bits and pieces.” He scrunched up his face to indicate how insignificant the whole thing was.

It was a good job your pride wasn’t as fragile as a man’s, you thought.

“Sure. Of course.” Dean said, “Wait, did you say you forgot the pie? Because I could go and get some-”

“What?…Erm, yeah. Sorry.” Sam said, before his forehead uncreased itself, “You know what, I should go back and get it.”

“No, I can go.” Dean said.

What the fuck was happening?

“No. It’s good, man. I’ll go get the pie and you stay. Here. I’ll be back really soon.” Sam said, almost running out of the room.

Well, you thought, this was less than ideal.

“Dean….honey?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“It’s OK to have feelings about this. It’s super weird, I get that. But please can you just talk to me?”

“About?”

This was going to be tricky.

“Well….about what just happened?”

“What? It’s fine….I mean, it’s not great…It’s not my favourite thing in the world to find out that my girlfriend, who I love, has fucked my brother…especially when I remember what a douche bag he was at the time…but it was before I knew you and you were both single and no one has done anything wrong…so…I mean, I’d be a real asshole if I was angry or upset about it…which is good…because I’m not…I’m-“

“Fine?” You finished for him. He nodded in agreement.

It was hard to know what to say because he was being perfectly logical. But since when had feelings ever been about logic?

“I am sorry, you know?” You said, honestly.

“I know. But you have nothing to be sorry for. You haven’t done anything wrong.” He was still looking forlornly at the kitchen floor.

“Should I go? Do you want me to leave? If you need time to process…?”

“What? No! Why would you go? Everything’s cool.” He said, turning his head to smile at you weakly.

“Clearly.” You said, not unsarcastically.

He clapped his hands together, startling you with the loud sound, and stood up straight. “So…?!” He said, as you looked at him troubled by the unhinged vibe rolling off him in waves. “…what do you want to do today?”

“Um….talk? Calmly? Honestly? Like grown ups?”

He laughed at you as if you’d made a hilarious joke. “We could watch a movie? Or go for a drive? Or play foosball? Or….I could make us some drinks?”

“I’m not sure alcohol is the way to go…”

He smiled at you like you were nuts.

“Alcohol is always the way to go!” He said, laughing both loudly and unconvincingly. “Yeah! Booze! Oh, and are you hungry? I could cook something? How do you feel about burgers? I am the meat man, after all!”

He picked up his phone and made a call. Grinning at you, alarmingly, as he put a finger up at you in the universal gesture of ‘just a minute’.

“Sam?….Of course, everything’s alright! Why wouldn’t it be?…..Listen, I’m gonna make burgers, so I need you to pick up some stuff, OK?….I am perfectly calm?!….I’ll send you a list….well, maybe you could drive back to the store, I mean, you did bang my girlfriend, it is the very least you could do…..I’m not upset…..I’m fine….I just want to make burgers and have a drink, that’s all…thank you!”

You took a deep breath. It was going to be a long day.

Dean sent Sam a list of groceries and offered you a beer. You watched as he opened it and then it passed it to you.

“You’re not having one?” You asked.

“Way ahead of you.” He pulled an unopened bottle of whiskey out of a cupboard and unscrewing the top. You watched as he took a long, seemingly unending swig. “Whoo!” He shouted, when he eventually took the bottle from his lips, before whirling around the kitchen grabbing utensils, a knife, an onion and a chopping board. “The Meat Man is in the house!”

It was a strange nickname and you’d teased him about it before, but you sensed today was not the time to pull at that thread. Despite repeated offers of help, he insisted that you just sit there and watch.

“You just sit there and look pretty!” He’d said, scooting past you to grab his apron. As he scooted he gave you a kiss but it was firmly and purposefully on your cheek, not on your lips like it normally would be. He was valiantly attempting ‘normal’ when it was clear things were anything but.

So you watched from a bar stool, drinking your beer, trying to figure out what you were going to do while he continued to be relentlessly cheery at you and before long Sam was back.

“Um…hey guys…”He said, coming in and putting the full bags he was carrying, down. Between the frenetic energy Dean was giving off and the nervousness emanating from Sam, the atmosphere in the room was weird and unstable. “I wasn’t sure which pie to get so I got a few…um, cherry, pecan, apple…”

“Whoa…careful Sammy, anyone would think you were overcompensating for something…but there’s no need. Everything is A-OK.” Dean said, grabbing parcels of ground chuck from the bags. “Although, I do have a question…”

Sam noticeably froze while your breath caught in your throat. ‘OK, no, this is good,’ you thought, ‘if we talk about it, it’ll get it all out in the open and move on.’

“Okayyyy….” Sam said, turning to face his brother and looking like he was steeling himself for the awkwardness.

“Indiana Jones or Han Solo? Who would win in a fight?”

“What?” Said both you and Sam at the same time, both taken aback by the unexpected question.

Dean let out a bitter laugh, “You guys…are such ‘twinsies’….you gotta stop doing that…” He said, pointing from you to Sam with the point of the knife he was using to chop onions, not threateningly, though it was far from comforting, unhinged as he seemed, “…I’ll start to think something’s going on!” He said it in a jokey sing song voice and then doubled up laughing, literally hysterically.

Oh, sweet Jesus. You thought. What the fuck even was this day?!

“Dean, you know….nothing whatsoever is going on…I haven’t even seen Y/N since that night…”

And the following day, through into the following night, but he’d never left except to go get breakfast so technically it was all the same, you thought. And then you berated yourself for remembering that. Now was not the time for accuracy, and even thinking about it felt disloyal to Dean.

“I know. Jeez, Sammy, lighten up! It was just a joke.” Sam raised his eyebrows at Dean and nodded, he looked, slightly afraid and very uneasy. “So, you’re thinking Han Solo?” Dean continued.

The Indiana Jones vs Han Solo conversation lasted all through the afternoon, as Dean shaped patties and grilled up the burgers. Sam cut salad and you cut and buttered buns. The boys had gotten into the conversation, though you were finding it weird, but if it helped Dean right now, you had to play along, you reasoned. So you tried to engage, offering comments about Indiana Jones’ fear of snakes and dexterity with a whip and asked whether Han could have help from Chewie and if he’d have a laser blaster. If that’s what your man needed right now, you would play along. Throughout the whole conversation, Dean took copious swigs from the whiskey bottle, so much so that he was currently a third of the way through a second bottle that he’d produced from the back of a cupboard.

It was decided that you would eat in the library and as Dean fried up the last of the burgers, Sam went to set the table.

“Hey, can you take this to Sam?” He asked, thrusting a tray with ketchup, mustard, three bottles of beer, napkins and cutlery on it.

“Sure.” You said, taking it off him.

“Don’t be too long now, or I’ll start to worry.”

You gave him a look of disbelief, your patience for this shit was starting to wear out.

He laughed. “I’m just kidding, Y/N!” He said, through unnerving forced guffaws.

As you carried the tray towards the library, you felt relieved to be away from whatever it was that was playing out in the kitchen. And then you felt guilty. It was annoying and uncomfortable watching Dean be like this, largely because he was acting so different from his usual self, the Dean you knew and loved, but it had only been a few hours and he was clearly struggling with this new and unexpected turn of events. You were too. Patience and understanding, you repeated to yourself as you walked. Be patient and understanding.

“Dean asked me to bring you this.” You said to Sam, with a polite smile, as you handed him the tray. It wasn’t his fault either you reminded yourself.

He smiled politely back and took it from you. “You OK?” He asked, kindly. He was so different from before. From the last time you’d met.

You shook your head. “Not really. I hate how upset he is. And I hate that he won’t just talk about it. This weird stand up routine is…I don’t know how helpful it is. That or the in depth Harrison Ford analysis. I’m not sure how much more I can take.”

He nodded sympathetically and you turned to return to the kitchen, mindful of taking too long and hating how on the spot you felt.

“Hey, Y/N?” Sam asked.

“Yep?” You said, turning back from the steps.

“Do you really not remember….that, um, time?”

You shot him a glare. You weren’t sure a trip down Memory Lane was a good idea right now.

“Bits and pieces.” You said, using his own words to shut down the conversation and shrugging. Hoping that would be the end of it.

“Um, yeah. Sorry about that. I just…I thought that would be the best thing to say? You know, for Dean? But I remember it.”

“Me too.” You said, honestly. “And it was a fun memory…until today. I just…I hate that he’s so hurt by it.”

“Me too.” Sam said, smiling awkwardly, “One more thing?”

You gazed at him hoping that this wouldn’t test your patience even further, you were holding it together by a really thin thread.

“I wasn’t great…back then…I’m sorry if I was cold or unkind or if I didn’t treat you particularly well.”

You smiled. This Sam was sweet. You liked him. In a very different way to the Sam you had met back then.

“You weren’t any of those things, Sam. You were clear and honest and direct and yeah, maybe not the sweetheart you so clearly are when you have a soul,” You still couldn’t get over that but there was no time to unpack that right now, “But you weren’t horrible or mean. You treated me fine. It was what it was. Everything’s-“

“Please don’t say fine.” He said, genuinely looking like if he heard that word again he’d lose the will to live.

You smiled. “…everything’s good. Between us. No need for apologies. We just need to help Dean get over this.” He nodded as you left.

Before too long you were all eating and despite any awkwardness, you had to admit, the burgers were good. Dean had moved the conversation on from the relative merits of Indiana Jones vs Han Solo and had so far waxed lyrical about Star Wars, movies from the 80’s, TV shows from his childhood, then there was a whole detour about the recent goings on in Dr. Sexy MD, then he’d started talking about Disney movies. It wasn’t that you minded this whistle stop conversational tour through popular culture but more that it seemed forced and intense. It didn’t flow naturally, like a normal conversation would. He spoke almost constantly and at break neck speed, as if, if he could just talk fast enough he wouldn’t have to deal with what was really going on, and leaving no space for either you or Sam to really say anything except when he’d turn and shout a question at one of you, demandingly. It’d happened a few times, usually when you’d just taken a bite or sip of beer.

“Goonies or Gremlins?”, “Ghostbusters or Aliens…quickly…c’mon it’s all Sigourney Weaver?!”, “Scooby Doo or Thundercats? I can’t believe you even have to think about it!”

It was stressful and exhausting. He was drunk and the whole day was just becoming painfully hard to endure.

“Favourite chick in a Disney movie?” He shouted at you, “Ariel? Dory’s a fish, but she is a chick fish, so I guess you could have her. Elsa? It’s Elsa isn’t it?”

You took a deep breath. “Well, she does have some pretty good advice. About letting things go….” You said, pointedly.

“What?” He said, slightly belligerently. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Really? You don’t?” You said, trying to keep the annoyance out of your voice but failing. You weren’t really angry at him, just in general. You’d come here today, nervous, but wanting to make a good impression on the closest person to man you loved. It wasn’t Dean’s fault that it all so spectacularly spiralled out of control but it wasn’t yours either. This thing with you and Sam had happened nearly a decade ago and as much as you wanted to indulge Dean, you were starting to really miss your boyfriend, growing tired with this drunken shouty side of him that was here instead. You were also afraid. If you couldn’t work past this, perhaps there was no future for the both of you. You really did love him and that thought made you feel sick. You didn’t want to lose him over something that you’d done long before you’d even met. You didn’t want to lose him at all.

He was shaking his head emphatically. “There’s nothing for me to let go of? I’m fine.” He said.

“Dude, you’re not fine.” Sam said.

“Sure, I am Sammy.” He said, sitting back in his seat. “I have to be…because no one did anything wrong so I can’t be mad. And no one can undo what happened, so there’s no point feeling sad about it. It makes no sense to feel jealous because it all happened so long ago. I didn’t know you…” He gestured in your direction. “And ‘you’ weren’t even ‘you’ really.” He gestured now, toward Sam. “And I mean…Y/N, you were terrified, you’d just found out ghosts were real and they’d been terrorising your building…it makes sense that you’d be swept off your feet by the guy who saved you. And Sam…how can I be mad at you? Your soul was in the cage. You were suffering there. And Soulless you, man, you know how much I hated that guy…but even he didn’t do anything wrong. If he wanted you,” He turned to face you, “I can’t blame him. He was a dick but he was single and you’re beautiful. And you were single. So, yeah….no one did anything wrong. And there’s nothing to even feel weird about? People have sex. I’ve have had a lot of sex myself…and I mean A LOT.” You nodded patiently at him. “There’s no shame in it…so really…I’m fine….even if, it’s a bit weird…y’know, having the visual in my head. And I’ve never minded that I have always shared everything with my brother, never…but you…you were all mine…and I loved that…I love you. And I wanted you guys to get on, even hoped you’d end up loving each other, y’know, like family…maybe…one day…but now it turns out you already ‘loved’ each other…physically speaking….and I don’t wanna feel weird about that. Because if I feel weird about it and I can’t stop feeling weird about it? Then I might lose you. And I don’t want to do that. You two, the both of you, are the people I love most in this world…so I’m fine…because I have to be fine.”

All three of you were silent. You looked at Dean. Despite the smile that he was effortfully keeping plastered across his face, he looked choked up.

“I’m gonna go get the pie. Hope you saved room for dessert!” He said, getting up.

You watched him go.

“He’s going to be OK, right?” You asked Sam. “I mean…he’s going to get over this?”

“Yeah, of course.” Sam said, unconvincingly. “Just needs a little time.”

When Dean hadn’t returned after ten long and forced minutes of small talk with Sam, you excused yourself to go find Dean.

“Sure.” Sam said, “I might turn in.” You looked at your watch. It was 6.37pm. “You guys need some space.” He explained. “But Y/N….it’s really nice to meet you. Properly, I mean. I was a different person when we last met. And the circumstances…..well, you know. But, you seem really nice and I can tell how much you love my brother. And for what it’s worth….I know he really loves you. I can tell…and also he told me.”

“Thanks Sam.” You said, smiling at him genuinely. He really was a nice guy, you thought.

You found Dean in the kitchen, hunched over the island, staring at all three of the pies.

“You OK?” You asked, softly.

“What?” He said, his head snapping up. “Oh, yeah. I was trying to decide which pie to bring in and I got distracted I guess.”

“Dean, if you want me to leave…”

“No.” He said, shaking his head. “You should stay.”

“I don’t want to stay because I ‘should’. Only if you want me too. And if we can talk about what happened today.”

“Talk.” He said, inviting you as he gave you a weak and fleeting smile. He was trying so hard to be OK with all of this.

“No. If we can talk. Both of us. And if you stop trying to force yourself to feel a way that you don’t. And if we’re honest and if you listen, really listen to me…and try and hear me. It doesn’t matter what I have to say if you’re not gonna hear me out.”

He let out a big, deep breath and grabbed the bottle of whiskey. “OK.” He said, getting two glass tumblers from a cupboard before taking a seat. It was the first time he hadn’t been ‘on’ all day. The first time you recognised ‘your’ Dean. “Shoot.” He poured you both a glass each and pushed one across the table. You sat and took a sip.

“I know that today has been weird and difficult. I get what you mean about there being no blame here….but just because no one’s at fault doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have feelings about it. I hate that things have happened the way they have. I hate that you are hurt….and don’t say you’re fine…I know you’re not. I wouldn’t be either. I really do love you…I want us to get past this but that’s only going to happen if we can talk about this honestly…and it’s probably going to some time too. I really wanted today to go differently…I hate that you’re sad. It might not be my ‘fault’ exactly, but I really hate that it’s because of me.”

“Don’t.” He said, softly, reaching out across the table to take your hand in his. “I meant it when I said that it wasn’t your fault. Or Sam’s. I know that. Neither of you have any reason to feel bad at all. I don’t want you to….it’s just….a shock, is all.”

“Sure, I get that. It was a shock for me too. Realising, I mean.” You took another sip and tried to lighten the mood. “So…anything like this ever happened before?”

“Um…yeah, I guess…once. Annie. Sam without a soul, again. Man, that guy got around. Oh, and she was with Bobby once, too. She was a hunter. She was cool….but she wasn’t my girlfriend and she died. So…yeah…”

“Oh.” You said, trying to sound like that was all totally normal.

“I don’t want to be jealous or possessive. I just can’t stop thinking about you…and Sam…And I just…I think it’s gonna take me a minute, y’know?”

“Of course.” You squeezed his hand and smiled lovingly at him. “You know what you said before? About loving that I was just yours?” He nodded. “I am. This doesn’t change that. Sam is clearly not the same person he was before. I don’t get this whole ‘soul’ part of the story…but he was so obviously a different person back then. He didn’t know me, not really. And he doesn’t now. I wanted to get to know your brother because I know how much you love him and how important he is to you…but…I’m yours. If you still want me. No one else’s.”

“I know.” He smiled at you, “I just hate that he’s seen you naked. I hate that he…did things to you that only I want to be able to do…”

Your eyes narrowed at him slightly. “Only you get to do them, Dean. But you know I wasn’t a virgin when we met…so…”

“I know. Wouldn’t want you to have been….but those other guys were just dudes I didn’t know. They weren’t my baby brother. Now, we could all be sitting around here, drinkin’ and shootin’ the shit and I’ll just remember that he did that…with you. Or you will. Or he will. It’s just human nature.”

“It really wasn’t that big a deal. I hadn’t even thought about it for years.”

He smiled at you to show you that he got that but it wasn’t the point. “I hate being this guy…I hate being so petty and weird.”

“Hey…it’s understandable. We all are…people, I mean. Petty and weird. I’d feel bummed out too…I’m just worried.” He looked at you, concern in his creased brow. “That you won’t get over this. I love you. I don’t want to lose you because of something stupid I did years ago.”

“He has a name you know.” Your heart swelled with relief that he’d made a bad joke. It was the most Dean thing he’d done since this morning. “Yeah, I know. Listen, we’re going to be fine. You ain’t losing me. I love you, OK? I mean it….listen…will you do something for me?”

“Yeah, sure. Anything.”

“I might need some time, tonight, to ‘process’ like you said. Is that OK?”

“Yes. Of course.”

“And once I have, I need you to promise me something. Really, seriously, promise. Can you do that?”

“Um, yeah. What?”

“I need you to never, ever mention this whole Sam thing again, OK?”

“Yeah, of course. It’s not something I want to talk about with you anyway…but I mean, don’t we have to? Don’t we have to talk it out?”

“No. Please, I’m asking you. I need you to do this for me. Don’t mention it. Don’t even hint at it. Don’t even pull a face if we talk about that haunting in Texas or when Sam didn’t have a soul…just, pretend it’s not a thing that happened…and never even mention it, even in passing…I mean it. Not even a fraction of a whisper or a raised eyebrow or anything…can you do that?”

“Well…I mean…if that’s what you need. But isn’t that a bit like…lying? Pretending?”

“No. You’ve been honest with me and I love you for it. But trust me…this is what I need, OK? And if you love me you’ll just…respect my wishes.”

“OK.”

“I mean it though…not even a hint…and never…not even when we’re old and grey and I’m on my death bed. Even if, say, I were to test you and ask you about it…still…just never talk to me about it. In any way. Ever.”

He was freaking you out with his dramatic insistence. But you’d said you’d do anything. And this was what he’d asked for.

“Whatever you need.”

He smiled. “Listen, I’m gonna go ask Sam the same thing and then I’m gonna go for a drive…just…to clear my head. Will you stay? Take a bath. Watch a movie. Whatever you want. But just…be here when I get back, OK?”

“OK. If that’s what you want. But…you’ve drunk a lot today…should you drive?”

He smiled at your concern. “It is what I want. And OK…I’ll go for a walk. Get some air.”

“So…now?”

“Yes. Please.”

You got up.

“Y/N?” He said.

“Yes?”

“I really do love you, you know? We’re going to be fine. Don’t worry.”

You smiled at him and made to leave the room. You turned once on your way out and saw him on his phone, it looked like he was texting someone. He looked up.

“Oh. Just, I forgot to reply to a message earlier. From Sam.” He said, but he looked like he was lying. You weren’t sure what was going on but the day had been so weird already you decided not to push him.

You left and ran a bath. You had to admit, the big bathtub in the bunker bathroom was great for a soak and after the day you’d had, it was kind of nice. Something was going on with Dean and it was making you feel uneasy…but you weren’t sure what to do about it. You’d said you’d do anything and he’d asked for what he wanted. You hoped, more than anything, that things were going to be OK. You really did love him. 

He was still out when you got out of the bath and still hadn’t returned when you were ready for bed. You put on his grey robe and went to the kitchen, you’d never gotten that slice of pie and thought you’d have one now. You cut yourself a slice of pecan and poured yourself a glass of milk and you were halfway through both when Sam appeared in the doorway.

“Oh, Hi Y/N.” He said, going to the fridge and getting himself a glass of orange juice.

“Hey, Sam.”

“Um…so Dean came to see me…” He said, leaning against the island.

“Yeah…did he have a weird request?”

“Yes. That I should never, ever, ever mention the stuff that came up today. Not even a little. Ever. ‘Even if I test you by asking you point blank’” He said, doing an impression of Dean for the last part.

“Yeah…he said the same thing to me. Do you think he’s OK?”

He shrugged. “I hope so….today has been…a lot.”

“Tell me about it. I just wanted to come and make a good impression on my boyfriend’s brother. I wasn’t expecting all the…drama…”

He smiled and nodded. “Listen…I told Dean that I’d never speak of it again and if that’s what works for him then I’m happy to stand by that…but I feel like if he doesn’t want me to mention it to him then maybe we shouldn’t talk about it either? Like, ever? Maybe pretend that today is the first time we’ve met?”

You thought about it as you swallowed your mouthful of pie. “Sure. I mean…I wasn’t itching to discuss it with you, anyway. It was a lifetime ago and you were very different then. I think I probably was too.”

He smiled at you. A big, warm, genuine smile that reached up to the corners of his eyes. “A decade is a long time.” He turned to leave the kitchen but before he did he turned to you again, “It was nice to meet you, for the first time that counted, today….and for what it’s worth, you made a really good impression on your boyfriend’s brother.”

“Nice to meet you, properly, too.” You said, smiling. “You know, ten years ago or so, I met a guy who looked just like you…and he was lots of fun…but you…you’re different than he was, you are better and you’re lovely, and I know that we are going to get along really well and be good friends, Sam Winchester. And I love your brother very much.”

“I can see that…G’night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Sam.”

As you finished off the pie and glass of milk, not far away, Dean was with Cas. He’d been texting him earlier when you’d seen him on his phone, asking him to meet him, urgently. When Cas had arrived he’d explained what had happened that day.

“That does sound complicated Dean. And understandably upsetting.”

“It’s fine, Cas…but I need you to do me a favour.” Castiel had looked at him, unsure of what he meant, tilting his head slightly as his brow furrowed. “I need you to make me forget.”

“Dean…I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Please, Cas…I’m beggin’ you, man. It’s not right for me to take her memories. Not fair for me to ask Sam to give up his. But I love her, I really love her. She knows about hunting and she understands the life. She’s beautiful and special and I just….I love her. I think we could be really happy. I want you to meet her, soon. She’s awesome…but…I don’t want to know about her and Sam. I wish I was a better man and I could say it doesn’t bother me…but I’m not. I’m not saying I couldn’t get over it, and for her, I’d try…I’d try real hard, but it’d be there…in the back of my head. Please, Cas…I don’t want smallminded jealousy to jeopardise what I have with her. She deserves better…and I…I want to be happy. I need this to work. Please? Help me.”

He’d been so desperate and spoken so openly and from the heart that it had been impossible to refuse.

“Don’t tell Sammy or Y/N, OK?” Dean had asked, “They’ll feel bad and they didn’t do anything wrong.”

Cas wasn’t sure he understood much about this situation but he understood his friend and he understood that of all the humans he had met over the years, the Winchester’s had sacrificed much for the good of humanity. He couldn’t begrudge them a little happiness, not if he could help.

It was late by the time Dean got home. You were drifting off, reading in Dean’s bed. ‘Busty Asian Beauties’ was not holding your attention at all well. You were relieved to see him as he entered the room.

“Hey.” You said, happy to see him but also apprehensive. Was he alright? Where had he been and was he still upset? “I was starting to think you weren’t coming back.”

He smiled. “I went for that walk…sorry I took so long, it was the weirdest thing, I ended up bumping into Cas. He’s real excited to meet you.”

“Oh. Cool. Yeah, I’m excited to meet him too. Dean….is everything….alright?”

“Everything’s perfect…how could it not be? You’re here?…..I could get used to coming home and finding you in my bed.” He said, smiling at you, his green eyes twinkling cheekily. He looked at the magazine, lying next to you. “Find some interesting reading material…give you any ideas?”

“Just checking out the competition.” You said, relieved to see him back to his old irrepressible, flirtatious self.

“Oh, sweetheart, you don’t have to worry. Ain’t no one holds a candle to you, baby. And….you didn’t answer me…about it giving you ideas…”

He sat down on the bed, raking his eyes up and down your body even as you lay under the covers.

“What sort of ideas?” You asked teasingly.

“The girls in there don’t where a lot of clothes…and I can see that you are wearing one of my shirts under there…looks good on you by the way…but I don’t know…maybe one idea would be to take it off?”

You looked up at him, relieved to have your Dean back and as always slightly undone by how sexy he was.

“Oh really?” You said, watching as he leaned in closer to you.

“Don’t worry…you don’t have to lift a finger…not even to undo those buttons…I know a magic trick…and I believe I still have to show you that this is where the magic happens.”

And when he kissed you, on the lips, deep and soft, with no holding back, you felt everything that had spiralled so awfully out of control become good again. You let out a deep sigh and let contentment replace the sinking feeling that had been in your gut all day, and it really did feel a little like magic. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

*** There flashback of Y/N and Soulless Sam's time together is in my other fic 'The One Before' - WARNING: It is very smutty, so be warned.


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